Home Cooked Thoughts

For years my husband has been telling me to start a blog, to take the opportunity to write publicly.  Yesterday I decided to try it out and within minutes of announcing my new endeavor he had pulled up the site and began critiquing my first entry.  The smallest typos were pointed out.  The generic theme I used was unacceptable.  The subtitle wasn’t up to par.  All this before I could even learn how to maneuver through the website.  Even as I sit here typing, he is asking, “How’s it going over there?” with a tone insinuating that I must need help.  My husband is a perfectionist.

Unlike me, my husband is technology savvy.  I’m not completely naive, but he can navigate through most operating systems and can discover shortcuts in most software applications.  The unfortunate aspect is his assumption that if he has figured it out then everyone should as well, and if you haven’t then there has to be something wrong with you.

While there are many people similar to my husband in this world, it takes a certain strength to be married to one of them.  Other people may have the luxury of walking away from a perfectionist or dismissing their comments altogether, but continuing to share a home and bed makes things a little touchy.  Tonight for instance, I felt the urge to throw my computer at him, but instead I just snapped, “Who’s blog is it?!”  The comment made me feel better (somewhat), but simply made him giggle.  Ugh!

To be honest, his perfectionism comes in handy with such items as the lawn care, his carpentry pursuits, and especially his work.  It’s when the trait points in my direction that I begin to lose my mind.  You see, I despise having someone look over my shoulder – especially someone offering their unsolicited critiques.  (This could be the main reason I couldn’t survive the theatre! That, and my lack of true talent!)  So, when he is convinced he’s doing me a favor he’s really boiling my blood.

How do I cope?

The first thing I do is breathe . . . in for a count of four, hold for four, out in four, and hold for four more.  This prevents the onset of a panic attack and usually helps me refrain from throwing things.  I sometimes visualize items flying through the air at him while I’m breathing which both soothes my nerves and occasionally solicits an internal smile.

Once relaxed I find it’s important to remember things in which I happen to excel – a little boost to my own ego: I may have pummeled him in Scrabble that day, I could have proven my prowess in the kitchen earlier, or I simply look at my perfectly gestated son.  This ego boost is akin to building a fort, which assists in thwarting further critiques.

Then the ammunition is brought out . . . flattery.  Like many perfectionists, my husband is a sucker for affirmation.  He thrives on it and performs better at absolutely anything if he knows it is admired and/or appreciated.  The key is to be honest with the affirmation.  For example, if he is letting me know all the things I should be doing to further enhance my blog I could fire back with some compliments on how professional his website looks and how beneficial it is for his company to have such a great person paying attention to the little details.  All true, and now the focus is on his achievements and not my lack of bells and whistles.

The final step is usually to take his advice.  Unfortunately the basic truth is that he is usually right.  While I wish he paced his advice (i.e. perhaps waiting 24 hours before pointing out the flaws in my new hobby), I do eventually appreciate how things work out when I follow his suggestions.

If it sounds as if I have caved – this could be true, but the bottom line is this . . . I married the guy for multiple reasons and his personality, with all of its quirks, was one of them!  Maybe when he reads this entry he’ll wait a little longer before he points out what could have been improved.