God was kind enough to bless us with another little boy, someone for Benjamin to play with, terrorize, and hopefully befriend for life.  Poor Charlie, at only 12 days old, has already endured finger poking, bassinet shaking, shared lunch attempts, screaming fits throughout naps, and the constant stealing of his first stuffed animal.  He has also been treated to numerous hugs and occasional petting.

I had my worries and doubts about bringing a second child into this world … all due to my insane ability to over-think everything.  I thought that surely Benjamin would be jealous, so jealous in fact that he would hate us for bringing home another child.  I was convinced I hadn’t had enough time alone with Benjamin in this world and how could he possibly adjust to not having 100% of our time.  And my biggest fear was that I could never love another child the way I love Benjamin.

What an idiot I am!!  All of these things have proven to be hugely inaccurate.  Not a split second went by after the doctor removed Charlie from me before I was instantly sobbing – overwhelmed with love (and relief that it was a boy!).  I think I smothered his face with so many kisses before they whisked him away to the nursery – he was sure to know who mommy was.  And Benjamin … well, Ben took his time coming around, but once he did … he’s been a loving big brother who has not only watched out for little brother but also reassured Charlie that with all that love will come some torture as well.

And ironically, with all this extra love I’ve been pouring out to my two little boys, I have found myself loving my husband more than ever before (even with the hormonal imbalances).

I know this next year is going to be a difficult one, but it’s amazing how strong we can be when we have no other choice!  I am so grateful to be the only girl in the house, and in full wonderment at the capacity of love we humans have!  God is good!

Here’s the situation: I work in a church office that also houses a social ministry office that assists the needy (of any faith) from our community.  Today there is a certain client of theirs who has been up here repeatedly over the last year or two and today she has come with her children.  The office is not able to continue helping her and she is most unhappy about it and has chosen to yell and holler and rant & rave into her cell phone while her two children (a young girl carrying her infant baby brother) follow her around with blank faces.

Here’s why I need to vent: the children!  Why do this is front of your children?  I do understand needing help – most of us struggle and can sympathize with the panic of “how am I going to get through the day without …” but do we share that stress with our children and do we scream and act up if we don’t get what we want?  I wanted to take the kids under my arm and walk them away but they’re not mine and am I inappropriate to judge their mother for her behavior?

I left the office to get some food (an act I felt immediately guilty for) and cried in my car for the children.  I realize it’s my hormones getting the best of me, but what I’d really like to do is shake that dear woman and ask her why she’s behaving in such a manner in front of the two beings she should be protecting from the stress.  My family struggled when we were kids, truly struggled for many years, and I can honestly say that none of us stressed the family situation.  We knew we didn’t have things other kids did, but we didn’t realize it was because we couldn’t … we just figured it was because we didn’t need anything more.  And we didn’t.

Some may ask why we didn’t just help this woman, but there in a fine line between assistance and enabling.  I look forward to the day when I am comfortable with the state of my own mortgage and can walk up to someone who needs something and hand it to them.  For now, I will have to resort to crying and praying and venting to my beautiful husband who also had a hard afternoon.

I wish hormones resulted in laughter and comfort as opposed to the tears, stress, discomfort, hot flashes, and such … ho-hum.

For those of you unaware … Dave, Ben, and I are expecting a new addition to our family.  “Charlie” will be joining us in August and we are thrilled!  We don’t know yet if “Charlie” is a boy or girl and we won’t know until they take the little miracle from me, but who cares … we are praying for healthy and happy!

Life has been hectic for Dave and I as we both work many jobs and try to juggle time with Ben and a very occasional moment with one another.  So if any of you are wishing we had more time with you … so do we!  We’re just so appreciative that Benjamin seems unphased by the lack of two parents at home at once.  We thought for sure he would crumple to the floor in dismay, but he didn’t.  Oh well.

So, stay tuned.  I will be posting again and even including the occasional recipe to share.  I’d love if some of you wanted to share recipes as well … I can post them for you (and even give you the credit!).

The picture attached is of Ben watching a plane … he loves everything that happens in the sky!  So observant!

Benjamin David has turned 1.  I am both thrilled and saddened by this rite of passage.  There is the accomplished mommy in me who feels a strong sense of pride at having helped her little “punkin” grow to the walking, running, playing, “munchkin” status.  And then the mourning mommy who is befuddled over the quickness that overtook the growth process of this long anticipated little being.  My mother accused me of suffering delayed postpartum … she may have a point, but thankfully I am recovering quickly.

Having realized how quickly the first year flies, I am fearful of the next years also flying.  There are people who feel implored to share statements like, “Just wait, he’ll be graduating high school in no time.”  Really?! Is it absolutely necessary to burst the bubble of a woman who still considers herself a new mom?!  Must you rain on the parade of a woman who still refers to books to find the best daytime routines and meal plans?!  To force someone like me to consider which college would be best for my one year old is just downright heinous!  I have no internal desire to envision my barely speaking toddler escorting some floozy to the prom … I’m still ecstatic that he signed ‘please’ this morning.

Having fully expressed my distaste for such bubble-bursters, I would again like to impress my great appreciation for the short times when my “munchkin” stops, lays down, and cuddles with me … letting me know that the rest of the day may fly by, but he too appreciates the slow comfortable gift that is relaxation. 

When we were normally putting Ben in bed for an afternoon nap instead we loaded him in the car and prayed he’d fall asleep right away.  He did.  We drove through some neighborhoods for slow quiet tours (and to let the munchkin sleep a little longer) then headed into Green Cove Springs, the town adjacent to ours.  Spring Park is on the river with a spring run and some rolling hills (in most parts of the country they would be considered bumps, but here in Florida they are rolling hills!), a beautiful playground, a pier, picnic tables and gazebos … and it all sits directly across from the police station – so it’s safe too!

It was a gorgeous breezy day so we headed for the pier first.  Ben had never experienced anything like it and he would stop and stare at everything around him, then give out a delicious scream before he’d run into the wind further down the pier.  We were pawns to his delightful whims.  He stopped to stare at the fisherman (who kept calling him a beautiful little girl) and he followed another couple who were walking along the pier as well … even stopped to hold their hands and eventually get picked up by the woman (they were obvious grandparents and immediately smitten with him).

As we walked through the park to the playground we noticed another young family, a couple with their little girl, all dressed in denim with white shirts and getting their pictures taken … in the large gazebo that sits on the water’s edge there was a wedding about to happen – the bride was standing off to the side with her bridesmaid and flower girl having some pictures taken … there were children at the playground arguing with their mom over who could ride the swing next … and there were squirrels everywhere playing around the tree trunks in between their stockpiling efforts.  As we put Ben in the swing the wedding began … if it’s starting to sound a bit too surreal – I was thinking the same thing – but this is how it really was! 

The best part was after we had given Ben his dinner bottle and rolled around in the grass a bit we noticed the birds lining the pier (probably discussing their plans for the night) and we had the bright idea to let Ben walk down and check them out.  He loved it!  Ran as fast as he could with his arms in the air hoping to catch one or all of them!

We couldn’t have asked for a better day at the park!  Can’t wait to go back!

Recently, in our little town of Orange Park, Florida, there has been a heinous crime against a little girl.   She was abducted while on her walk home from school and within hours had been treated cruelly, killed, and literally thrown into the trash.  She was found in a landfill a couple of days later.  For the two days she had been missing there were helicopters flying overhead, mounted policemen trotting through the neighborhoods and forests, dogs sniffing, and people blanketing the town with flyers showcasing this beautiful child.  Within seconds of receiving confirmation that the child in the landfill was indeed the missing child, the tone in the air changed … first there was incredible sorrow … then came the anger … the fear is continuing to linger … but almost immediately after the sorrow and anger came this wave of revenge from so many.

And this is where my problem begins.  (Many will strongly disagree with what I am about to say.)  While I feel strongly that this person, this very sick person, should be caught and severely punished I can’t bring myself to want his demise – I can’t crave his own death.  This is not to say that I haven’t thought – if that were my son who had been killed I would grab that man and beat him until I couldn’t any longer, and then I’d want my husband to beat him - I have thought that, but am I strange for knowing that I couldn’t actually do it and I even feel guilty for the thoughts?

Just because another human being has no respect for the life of a child – this girl, or even my son – this doesn’t give me the right to take their life, but it does make me responsible for teaching this person the better way to live or if the teaching is impossible then it is our responsibility to ensure that person can never again harm another.

I wonder if the people who are publicizing their desire for the demise of this killer; the ones writing “we’re coming to get you” on their vehicles, or the ones shaking their hands in the media and already itching to stick a needle in this killer’s arm … I wonder if they realize they are preying on this killer the same way in which he preyed on this little girl, but they’re doing it publicly.  People have a right to their pain, and people have a right to their grief, but do we have a right to prey on one another?  We are telling this killer that it was wrong of him to kill this child (and it was! so wrong!), but in the same sentence we are saying it is ok for us to kill him.  Am I the only one in the world to find fault with this logic?!

For those of you ready to lash out at me for being uncaring for this child … you have not listened to me, you have only read what you wanted from my words.

I have come to love that child as my own and I do not have any problem agreeing that the killer should be punished and stopped from ever hurting another, but is it really right for us to return wrong with wrong?

I have been cooking … a bit … so truthfully there are some recipes to share.  Be on the lookout for those … I’m feeling some inkling to write them down.

As for the funk … my hubby and I are battling some stressful things and one of us (I shall not mention who) tends to want the battle won and over with as quickly as possible and this particular battle is dragging on and on.  Truth be known, we both want the battle over … and we’re both working our tails off for that to happen, but it is still not showing signs of faltering and my dear David is showing the wear and tear of a long fight.

I am not attempting to sing my praises for not being worn out, but my new job has made me the unfortunate witness to many people who are far worse off and I have now become one grateful little lady.  I have a husband whom I adore and who adores me and our son.  We still have our parents and siblings (even if said siblings are perhaps destroying their own marriages and happy homes) and their beautiful children.  We are all healthy, give or take the sore muscles, runny noses, teething pains, and the occasional stubbed toe.  And for the time being, we have roofs over our heads.  In my opinion … God is good.  (For those critics out there … God is still good if we didn’t have all of the above, but I like to give credit where credit is due.)

All of this chatter was supposed to explain my lack of entries but I feel it went elsewhere.  I’m ok with that.  If you’re enjoying the picture attached it is my incredibly adorable one year old nephew, Aidan.  I included him on this post because he has this way of letting the whole world know when he is upset or disgruntled … his ear ringing screech … and I tend to think of him when I feel myself entering the world of “funk.”  If I could just screech like him I’m sure  I would feel better.  Maybe we should all channel our inner Aidan and screech away our funks!

Ben Chillin' in the Pool

Every now and then my son and/or his cousins create picturesque opportunities that must be shared … yesterday was no exception.  My sister and I opted for a pool day at grandma’s house so we met up before lunch, fed the boys, slathered everyone with sunblock, grabbed grandma, and headed for the pool.  I had wanted to get a head start so Ben could play before his usual nap-time at 3.  We arrived at the pool shortly after 2 so I assumed there would be plenty of time for Ben to enjoy the water before wanting to sleep.

As you can see from the picture … I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Ben wanted to sleep right away and his cousin, Aidan, had the same idea.  So, Leandra and I walked around the pool, occasionally playing with Brandon, while the boys lounged on their floats and slept the afternoon away.  They eventually woke up and enjoyed some playtime … lots actually … but I have to say … wouldn’t it be nice to have no cares and be able to relax like them?!

Aidan Relaxin' in Pool

The thought has occurred to me to try and make him a pansy, but I think that would deny him his right to be free enough to not fear.  This trial has brought about a new level of respect for Dave’s mom.  Dave has always regaled me with stories of his crazy expeditions; be it burning matchbox car wheels under front porches or trying to discover the treasures that lay within the sewer systems of Omaha.  And I have tried hard not to focus on the fact that Dave left home at 15 to become a professional street skater.  Do you know what those kids do?!  Its ridiculous … and enough to send any mother into an insane asylum.  I suppose if Dave’s mom survived I might be able to also.  I’m sure if I start to waver she may have some suggestions for me.

As for how I will deal with the current day to day … I will still run in to save him, but I’ll keep enough distance that he’ll just know I’m there if needed … I’ll start up my breathing techniques again to aid with the heart palpitations … and I’ll stock up on ice packs – enough for both Ben and my legs!  But don’t expect me to run out and buy him some roller blades!

As you can see in the picture, Ben took to driving quite quickly.  Once we got to the road he put both hands on the wheel, kept his feet firmly planted, and spent most of his time staring at his older cousin driving the bigger car.

As we got closer to the lake, where we would be feeding the ducks, Ben’s head started to nod to the left … then the right … then his little head bobbed forward and landed on the steering wheel.  The poor guy couldn’t ward off the sleep any longer.

My sister and I could not control our laughter so I could think of nothing better then sharing both pictures with you.  His head leaning against the wheel, his pacifier fallen on the floor board of his car, and his hands are still firmly planted on the wheel.  Too cute!