Benjamin David has turned 1.  I am both thrilled and saddened by this rite of passage.  There is the accomplished mommy in me who feels a strong sense of pride at having helped her little “punkin” grow to the walking, running, playing, “munchkin” status.  And then the mourning mommy who is befuddled over the quickness that overtook the growth process of this long anticipated little being.  My mother accused me of suffering delayed postpartum … she may have a point, but thankfully I am recovering quickly.

Having realized how quickly the first year flies, I am fearful of the next years also flying.  There are people who feel implored to share statements like, “Just wait, he’ll be graduating high school in no time.”  Really?! Is it absolutely necessary to burst the bubble of a woman who still considers herself a new mom?!  Must you rain on the parade of a woman who still refers to books to find the best daytime routines and meal plans?!  To force someone like me to consider which college would be best for my one year old is just downright heinous!  I have no internal desire to envision my barely speaking toddler escorting some floozy to the prom … I’m still ecstatic that he signed ‘please’ this morning.

Having fully expressed my distaste for such bubble-bursters, I would again like to impress my great appreciation for the short times when my “munchkin” stops, lays down, and cuddles with me … letting me know that the rest of the day may fly by, but he too appreciates the slow comfortable gift that is relaxation. 

The thought has occurred to me to try and make him a pansy, but I think that would deny him his right to be free enough to not fear.  This trial has brought about a new level of respect for Dave’s mom.  Dave has always regaled me with stories of his crazy expeditions; be it burning matchbox car wheels under front porches or trying to discover the treasures that lay within the sewer systems of Omaha.  And I have tried hard not to focus on the fact that Dave left home at 15 to become a professional street skater.  Do you know what those kids do?!  Its ridiculous … and enough to send any mother into an insane asylum.  I suppose if Dave’s mom survived I might be able to also.  I’m sure if I start to waver she may have some suggestions for me.

As for how I will deal with the current day to day … I will still run in to save him, but I’ll keep enough distance that he’ll just know I’m there if needed … I’ll start up my breathing techniques again to aid with the heart palpitations … and I’ll stock up on ice packs – enough for both Ben and my legs!  But don’t expect me to run out and buy him some roller blades!